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“I miss you terribly”: J.Called21Sep06

Army wives are well-trained: don’t bother your deployed husband with your (circle one) depressing/sad/emotional/upsetting  news/stories/feelings.  I have done my best to abide by all the unwritten rules governing Army wives.  But I slipped a little when he called.  Okay, I poured my heart out.  I told him about Paula, who gets a short email from her hubby every day – unless there is a "comm blackout" ("communication blackout" – when soldiers aren’t allowed to contact family).  Such blackouts only occur when someone has died, to avoid rumors getting back to wives before the chaplain can.  When she doesn’t get an email, its like a silent bell; the worst part is, she has to wait 24-48 hours to find out that the bad news isn’t hers, and it drives her crazy.  I told him our friend Erin, who only knows two deployed soldiers, found out some bad news the other day.  She’s still in disbelief, I think.  I told him these past two weeks had been rough – and then I started crying.  Army guilt set in. Bad Army wife. No crying to deployed husbands! I wanted to hold it in, but I couldn’t.  How do you not confide in your best friend? He was sympathetic, and said (with no prompting) "I miss you terribly right now."  It was the first time he’s said something so heartfelt in a long while. It was a bit of a relief to hear apathy hadn’t iced over him, as it does with so many soldiers.

He asked if I got my package for E.  At the time I hadn’t.  But shortly after we got off the phone, I opened my door and found this!

Package_2

Just seeing his sloppy handwriting was comforting.  Inside was the traditional Kurdish/Peshmerga uniform that one of the Iraqi batallions gave him (I think they were inspired by MC Hammer):

Uniform

And E’s gift – a bootleg collection of "100 Disney Movie" (100 doesn’t have to be plural).  She’s going to love them!  My Darling Doofus did not include a card or a note (writing any sort of sentiment is stressful for him).  So I will be keeping the box as my token.

While running an errand later, I noticed a rainbow had appeared over our little village of a town.  I was instantly comforted by the reminder that God’s hand is over my sky – the same sky that J. and all of our soldiers sleep under.

christina - uh, if you’re a “bad army wife” for slipping once… I’m in the 7th circle of hell designated for bad army wives… How much longer do you guys have? Sam’s leave is supposed to be in 3 weeks!

Darlene - You are not a bad “army wife”. You ladies are human. Prayers to all of you for being stong for your husbands and for all of us they are fighting for.

**Crystal** - I honestly believe it is okay to let your husband know how you’re feeling. It’s just that its an unwritten rule that you don’t upset your husband and you should try to support him and hold him up to the extent possible during deployments. I’ve done a good job, I think, of censoring myself all year long. And it’s actually been a good lesson in choosing what’s really “worth” my energy and what isn’t. But it doesn’t keep me from feeling a bit guilty when I know how much J and our soldiers have gone through.

Dawn - I pray for God’s comfort for you this day. My son has been calling when he can..but I know that once he is over..those calls will be very few.
Thanks again for the links you sent. My husband and I read them through. Very helpful for this mom.

christi - We are human and it is terribly hard when your deployed hubby is also your best friend. You are far from a bad army wife.

Sarah - I love this picture of your package on the front step! The feeling of getting something that your husband wrote on, put together, touched, it’s refreshing. Sounds creepy, but it’s a little piece of your husband and a reminder that he really is out there thinking of you. I am so happy for your front porch discovery, I am sure this made your day!