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Love, Sissy

Ekissa

Where’s all the crafty stuff?  And what’s taking so long to post?  I know.  Everything has been neglected lately. This blog. My sewing (I so, so long to sew). My house. Ugh, the stuff is piling everywhere.  But I keep reminding myself that this will pass.  Not soon enough, and altogether too quickly at the same time.  So I am just breathing it all in and taking everything one hour at a time.  Which is so very not me.  That’s one gift children give you – they make you grow up, slow down, and in the process you become a better version of yourself. 

Today is – well, just another day to take in but also a day to celebrate and cry about at the same time.  Some of you have been here long enough to know – it’s her birthday.  In fact, life has been such a chaotic, monotonous litany of baby chores around here that I’d forgotten we were even into December, much less this close to our birthdays.  Which is why I cried as soon as a friend called and left a message about a gift she wanted to give me tomorrow.  Over the years, I have learned to celebrate my birthday without her.  But I still wince a little bit at the pain of it.  And as I look at my secondborn daughter today, I can’t help but be sad for my parents today. 

Ekissa2

If it seems like I’m talking about Lora a lot these days its because whenever my life changes (and it’s changed a lot this year), I am always painfully aware of all the places she isn’t anymore.  And at the same time, I find her everywhere.  Especially now.  E. is quickly becoming every bit the big sister I imagined she’d be.  In fact, most days relishes the role – telling us to please be quiet because the baby is sleeping, hovering over  friends who get too close to her infant carrier, and being the first to scamper for the pacifier when A. wakes up crying.  The other day E. marveled over A.’s little fingers, and I had to smile.  I vividly – vividly – remember doing this as a four year old.  Why I thought to do this I still don’t know, but I remember holding Lora’s hand and looking at how tiny her fingers were and thinking to myself, "remember this" because I knew she would be bigger someday.  Anyway, Lora isn’t physically here.  But moments like those bring her back to me for a few minutes.  And I say a silent prayer for the greatest birthday gift I ever received. 

Philippians 1:3 "I thank my God every time I remember you." 

Happy Birthday, Lora.

~ "Sissy"

Heather - Happy Birthday to Lora. And, happy day early birthday to you. Your words are so sweet when you speak of your sister and my eyes fill with tears to think of what you must be feeling.

Amanda - All my sympathy. My heart aches for you.

Sarah Byrum - I am thinking of you on your birthday! Take a moment for yourself, take a hot bath or read a chapter in your favorite book snuggled in between your cozy sheets. I think of your sister and it warms my thoughts, she is in my heart. You are amazing at keeping her memories tucked away in all of us. She is still transforming lives…
Miss you, Sarah

Miss Sassy - Happy Birthday to you. I’m so glad you have this forum to share some of your heartache, as well as your joy. The birthdays and the holidays will never be the same for your family but I do hope that new little joys help lessen the grief you will always have tucked in your heart.

Kat - Big hugs to you and your family. We are celebrating this Christmas without someone we used to know too.. in a different way (my healthy Grandma had a severe stroke and is unable to do anything for herself now). It’s not an easy time. Happy Birthday to you too, for tomorrow.

Gift of Green - Happy Birthday to you and to Lora. She would be one happy Auntie, that’s for sure.

Keri - Crystal, my heart hurts for you. Your words are amazing though, and I think its safe to say Lora is with you every minute of the day.

Hannah - Your words are so true and heartfelt, my heart aches for you. You have all of my sympathy, I cannot imagine what you must be going through.

Regina - Been thinking of you (and Lora) on your birthdays. I emailed your mom yesterday to let her know that she is remembered on what would have been Lora’s 27th. Your feelings put into words are beautiful. Lora is still with you. She must be so very proud!

Christie - Thanks so much! I actually ripped a picture for the window treatments out of a magazine and asked my mom to make it for me, and she did a great job! I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and wanted to say congratulations on baby A! You have a such a beautiful family.

Sheryl-lyn - Happy birthdays to both you and your beloved sister. She would delight in all of the things you accomplish and in the love your little family shares together. That is her legacy to you…that you always remember to show love when you feel it.

Christine - The story of you and your sister has always touched me so deeply. Just after reading this post last week I heard that a dear friend of my lost her 19 year old cousin in a terrible car accident. I couldn’t help but think of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. To toil with the tradegy of such a young beautiful person being pulled away…

Pinky - Crystal, Happy Birthday to you, and Happy Birthday to Lora in Heaven. My daughter celebrated her fifth birtday in Heaven this year. It does sneak up on you, I know. Especially when you are in the midst of huge changes, like you are with precious A and E. Blessings and love to you all this Christmas. Your words ring true in this mom’s heart!
Pinky
ps. I followed a link from your blog to your mom’s blog/website about Heaven. It was beautiful and I enjoyed it so much!

Erin - Sorry I am just finally reading your blog today, Dec 30th at 11:30pm. Having two young children truly changes everything. We need to find time to chat like we used to before A. and Luke. I miss you terribly and everytime I read your beautiful words about your sister I ball. Happy belated bithday to you and your sister’s memory. I LOVE my purse! Thank you’s in the mail.
Love ya